HOW ?

I was lying to myself, the moment I saw my L1R4,
I was overwhelmed with disappointment.
I was confident, I thought I could get 20 points, if not the worst would be around 25 to 26.
God damn it, 30 points, not eligible for any Poly courses at all . . .
I mean, it's not that I mind not being able to get into a Poly, I just feel like I've never improved at all . . . For all the last minute frenzy, I thought my maths and humanities could just make it . . . .
But being logical, looking at my conduct for the whole year, it's not surprising to have a result like this.

Saying "I've tried my best, I won't regret", but I still feel so mad at myself. My parents didn't even scolded me, instead they told me it's okay. As long as I can continue studying, ITE or whatever, no matter how much it cost, they'll support me. I feel so bad and guilty . . .
At a small part of time I even thought I'm a stupid person, and why not just let my brother be the family's successor, he got 13 points . . .
Uh, that's just a stupid thinking . . . :\

I should not look at what I don't have, I should just look at what I have and do something about it and make something out of it . . . I'll try . . .
I feel like appealing for a shit course in Republic Poly, or MDIS in which I have to sit for a maths examination and pass it before I'm eligible for that costly course, or Higher Nitec with a course that interest me but with a not-so-good certificate . . .

What can I do ~ ?