Smashed to pieces, if I could make myself believe

It takes money to spend my off day rather happily . . .
Had the whole day out with best friend, had dinner at Shokudo, walked around Bugis and Bugis street, bought a few shirts . . . Then we walked endlessly, without a particular destination in mind and we ended up at The Cathay. And so we decided to catch a movie, Alls Well Ends Well, so called the most hilarious chinese new year movie, lol. It's just lame, too lame that it's funny, heh . . .

Then I brought him home again after the movie, lol.
. . . Sometimes I feel like I'm depending too much on him, his presence just makes me feel a little better than being alone. Our conversations are just endless, the laughter we have can never stop, lol.

You know, it sucks being a bad person, the person who is way too carefree, doing things without considerating the feelings of others, breaking hearts without a second thought, someone I used to be.
On the other hand, it damn well hurts trying to be a good person . . . Still, things are leaving me, and I'm giving things away. I've end up so miserable . . .
And so what's the differance ? Does anybody even care if I'm a good or bad person. I still end up with nothing, absolutely nothing, at the end of it all . . .
I really don't know what the fuck is on my mind right now, my determination seems dented, so depressed, so hopeless . . .

Maybe from now onwards, I should just keep all this thoughts to myself,
practice more, and make my "happy acting" more real and natural . . .