Damn the last few posts . . .
It's been a fine day after all. I found myself smiling, breathing, and eating.
I did not put anyone's mood down today, just perfectly fine . . . And I've been thinking, maybe . . . I've been, just blinded and distracted by the wrong one after all. Maybe I just had been there for the wrong one when she's down, and now that she's not, it's pointless for me to do the wrong things anymore, it won't make things right like before, it's just real pure wrong doings if I were to continue doing with these sins, it would only cause hatred to rise, jealousy, and more misery, I should really just step out of this boat before it sinks . . .
On the other hand, trying forgetting this distractions were backfired by the thoughts of the former one. Just flooded by the memories again, She'd just creep out of the sealed corner of my mind, she'd cover up my heart and mind with such beautiful agony . . . Those voices echoing "I miss you . . ."
I know it's a bad idea, if I should make a U-turn after a failure. It's hypocritical, and disgusting. I'm truly confused with my messed up love life. The former was surely the one best thing I'd ever, almost acquire in my life. How innocent, gorgeous yet humble, unique character, how unconditional those times were, how caring you were, how stupid was Ito lie, how close was I . . . Just the lies that shattered us thoroughly. I would trade anything in my power to reverse this screwed up life. I'm just so broken right now, I've been lured by the wrong path which just leads me to a dark pit hole . . . I really just wanna climb out of all these . . . Wrongs and find my way back . . .
Time wouldn't go back . . . . . . But time will heal . . . By then, I guess I'm ready, to give it one more shot.
I sound like as if I'm faking all these. I know people who understand this post would start saying ridiculous things about me, like a bloody idiot going for the wrong one when he feels hopeless for the former, and now the wrong one failed him, he says he miss the former.
I've been thinking about that myself too . . . I don't know . . . . . It would be really bad of me I know . . . My emotions are really unstable right now . . . I may be thinking of something else tomorrow. It feels so fucked up . . .Everyday this same shit feeling.
I'm not blaming the wrong one for my wrong ways, I know I can only blame myself, nobody's fault but mine . . . What goes around, comes around, this may just be retribution. For all my foolishness . . .
Nevertheless, my mind is a little clear now from all the blindness all these while . . . And I truly realized how much I miss these blanks _ ____ ___ . . .
I guess I won't be ranting about my love life anymore, it'll be awhile before I'll take that step again. I will be fine . . .
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