Pushing me away, every last word, every single thing you say

I don't know how long can I hang on to these despairing days . . .
I lack the appetite, I do not have the mood for practically anything, I can't fall asleep for long.
Sometimes, I just feel like screaming my fucking lungs out.
It feels so stressful, I just feel like pulling my hair off my head then bang my head on the fucking wall and then cry like a fucking emo shit . . .
It's really painful and agonizing.

Why can't I ever get something that I genuinely want ?

ps: You don't even know, how it feels to be so low, everytime you smile, you laugh, you glow . . .